In Canada, Hellmann’s is a local food

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Hellman’s mayonnaise for most of  my adult life.  We’ve never been a Miracle Whip family – when I was five, the very presence of it on my sandwich once turned me off of lunch meat altogether and the next five years were a blur of Fluf-N-Nutter sandwiches.  If a salad dressing type product needed to be used, then in our family the only correct choice was Hellmann’s.

Moving on into my twenties, I was still a Hellmann’s fan.  I went through a phase of trying to cut as much fat out of my diet as possible.  In my misguided zeal, I made the laughable mistake of trying to buy the light version of Hellmann’s.  Since that obviously wasn’t punishment enough, I tried the fat-free version.  Because something whose taste is based on fat will be even tastier when the fat is replaced with chemicals, right?

In my thirties, I’ve struggled with the idea that Hellmann’s is chock-full of stuff that I really shouldn’t be eating.  The canola oil in it is most assuredly produced by using genetically modified canola.  It’s full of preservatives.  How else can a jar of it stay fresh for so long in the fridge?

Now it comes out that not only is Hellmann’s chockfull of preservatives and GMOs, it also thinks locavores are fools. Hellmann’s markets itself in Canada as a local product because all of its ingredients come from Canada.  So we’re supposed to believe any food made in a single country (especially one as large as Canada) is by default a local food?  It also has the industry backed “Smart Choices” label on it which if anything makes me want to buy it less.

I’ve tried various ways to wrest myself from its unctuous grasp.  I’ve bought several organic versions of mayonnaise.  Yes – it’s not local but maybe I could avoid the GMO ingredients that way.  None of them taste remotely the same to us.  I’ve made my own mayonnaise which is heaven.  But unless I want to waste most of it, there’s no way this household of two can finish off such a large quantity of mayonnaise.  Plus who wants to routinely whip up a batch of mayo after a long, hot day of garden chores or canning?  I want a BLT and I want it fast.

So Hellmann’s – I’ve tried to quit you.  And I’ve failed. I hang my head in shame.